What’s on your mind in your spare time? Your favorite team? A complicated project at work? Personal finances? Yourself? Your weekend plans?
What do you think about most?
Husbands, how often do you think about your wife?
(Wives, swap genders in the question and it will work for you. For you it becomes, “Do you think about your husband?” Because I’m a guy, I’m going to use ‘wife’ as I write, but of course, I mean one’s marriage partner, male or female.)
It’s such a simple question: How often do you think about your wife?
How often? How long? What do you think about her? Do you think of her between 8 and 5? Are your thoughts related to her physical features? Conversations you’ve had? Do you have positive thoughts or destructive thoughts? (And those really are the only two kinds.) Do you think of her in your future? Do you remember special moments you’ve shared in the past? What’s in your heart? What do you feel when you think about your wife? What do you believe about her?
Here’s another way to ask it: do you think more about your favorite team than about your wife?
One of the important keys to a happy marriage is that the partners give each other focused attention. Men, focus your attention on your wife. SO, if you think more about sports, hobbies or work than you do about your wife and your life related to her, shift your attention and begin focusing on your wife.
And, men, we understand attention. Attention is what ties us to a football game (even when we know none of the players), Nascar (even when we can’t call a driver a personal friend), or fishing (even when we can’t catch a fish. I would venture that attention to detail and focused memory drives much of what goes on in the male brain. Most guys know the stats about their favorite teams and players. They know the specs of the engine in their car or truck. If you’re an IT guy, your head is full of techno-details. If you’re an insurance salesman, you’ve got the sales data down pat.
Do you recall what your wife wore yesterday? (Start remembering …)
Attention and memory are what allow you to remember that the 1980 Pontiac Trans Am was the first Firebird to be turbocharged and that it was the Indy 500 Pace Car. You can see it in your mind’s eye can’t you? White with the toooo big decal on the hood. You remember it because it caught your attention.
And at some point along the way, it’s likely that your wife caught your attention.
So here’s a quick 2-question test:
1. What teams were in the Super Bowl this year?
2. What did you wife wear yesterday? (I warned you!)
Which question is the one with implications that really matter if you want to be happily married?
Forget your favorite team. You’re not married to the athletes.
Consider your wife! That implies an active effort to pay attention and notice her. Do it often. When you’re with her and when you’re away. Focus on all of her positive aspects, the way she has blessed your life, the gifts of herself she has given to you. Cherish her, honor her, think about her.
It will enhance your marriage!
Tags: Happily Married, pontiac trans am